Friends?

Day 3
We met today. It’s Christmas Eve and apparently I haven’t had enough pain, so meeting him was the cherry on top. I had to return some things. I cried. He cried. Every hug screamed, “This is the last!” There was a mention of being friends. It’s comforting, but who knows how truthful. We text, we share what were going through. I have no clue if this is normal, or what other couples do. I’ve never been though a break up like this. I don’t know the rules and I’m not trying to follow anyone else’s. Every relationship has their own, so why not have your own break up rules. It may not be healthy to talk to him, but it’s comforting. We can talk. I can hear his opinions and fears and stress. He can hear mine. There is a peace in it, but that doesn’t stop the pain or the tears, which still come freely. Voices speak to me about my own future, my own possibilities. Their great, but not what I want yet or ever. I wanted a life with him. I was sure of it. What am I supposed to do now that I can’t have it? Part of me reasons still for a future with him. I hate this part because I know it can’t be. I’m worried about future relationships. If I find someone else how could I possibly love him more? Will I always compare everything to Matt? That wont be fair to anyone I try and date, or myself.