The Worst

Day 1
Day one sucks. This is the day it all happened. You lose it all. You have to come to terms with it even though your brain is screaming. You have to take down all your pictures. Delete them from Facebook, your camera, your brain. Everything reminds you of him. Everything sucks. You can’t sleep, for fear of dreaming about him. You don’t want to be awake because then you have to face reality. Eating doesn’t work. If you can manage two bites of food you choke on it because a memory hits and you start to cry. You don’t control a damn thing. Three years. Three years to plan your life around one other person. And in one day the future you had for yourself is pulled away. You want to talk to him. He was your best friend. Where the hell do you turn? You want to puke. You want to cry. You already asked God for death a few times. Memories fly by. You live and breathe denial. It didn’t really happen. He’s going to wake up from this and realize his mistake. He’s coming back. It was just a joke. Telling your friends and family makes you realize it’s really happening. They offer support. They call, come by, hug, bring tissues, try to joke. You don’t feel it though. You can’t. Day one sucks.